I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
