It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
