hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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