i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
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All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
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I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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