My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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