Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
