There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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