But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
