the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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