I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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