Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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