i just had sex bonerless
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
