Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
As shirtless as possible
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
