I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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