i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
my poor anus
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
