census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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