wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
