I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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