Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
