just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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