If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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