Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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