My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
