So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
