I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
barbara walters just said penis...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
is that a dick in a sweater?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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