all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
