lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
