Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize