dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
