Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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