i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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