i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
