Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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