i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
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dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
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I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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