My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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