I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
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Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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