Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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