how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
