Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
