I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
