You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
