Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
