So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Randomize
