I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Four minutes until I can fart!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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