Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm way too hungover for life right now
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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