She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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