Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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