he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
