There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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