Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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