and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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