just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
