just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I believe in your delicious
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
