you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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