i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
