she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
