Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
