so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
