So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
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where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
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I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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