I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
