so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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