He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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