Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
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