we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
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Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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