bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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