thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
