My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
