i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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