recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
