Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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